Be a Winner on Election Day | Newberry

Be a Winner on Election Day

Tomorrow is, of course, Election Day. I am, in general, one of those people who would make the Wednesday after a national holiday: Campaign Commercials Stop Day. But I suppose there’s a larger movement to find a way for every candidate to have a personal cable channel, so these commercials can go on all year long, so I won’t tempt the other side. (Kindly do not email me to let me know which channels you believe are already doing this; I am watching nothing but Christmas specials for the next two months.)

In any case, I would like to remind you all to get out and vote. Yes, even all of you over there. It’s not a real game unless both teams turn out.

AND I am here to remind you that even if the bars close during voting hours, the bookshops do not. It’s time to show your true allegiance by coming to the Rosenberg Bookshop in the Newberry lobby and vote with your pocketbook. We have a little something for every kind of voter.

If you believe that the government has gone to the dogs, we have plenty of dog books for sale. Some of these dogs are so ridiculously cute that it may convince you that the dogs could do a better job. And if you’re the kind who grumbles about the fat cats in Washington and/or Springfield, well, you should know about the cat books we have for sale. (I don’t quite get the comparison of elected officials to fat cats. Cats are animals who pay attention to you when they want to be fed and ignore you the rest…oh. Okay.)

As mentioned last week, we have plenty of Christmas books for sale, for those of you who observe our candidates playing Santa Claus. It is up to you whom you believe is real, but I don’t hang MY stocking up in November.

For everyone who reads the news and wonders what’s really cooking at the Capitol, we have cookbooks which spell out the ingredients and make it all look so easy. Maybe being a government official would be that easy too, if too many cooks weren’t working on the broth. You can make a turkey liver pizza at home, cooking it in the warm glow you get from knwing you’re doing a better job than the legislative chefs.

No politician stumping around the district or speaking out on a paid ad could produce as much fire and brimstone as the Dore Bible Illustrations. I have not dipped into this much, myself. Dore scared me as a child with his illustrations for Dante’s Inferno. But if you believe the government is bypassing the dogs and going straight somewhere else, here’s a book for you.

We have the Milk Mustache Book, from a bygone ad campaign for milk, for those who can remember when there were commercials on television where people didn’t call each other names. For those whose memories go farther back, into an underground political effort of the Sixties, we have a couple of the R. Crumb Sketchbooks. hat German edition of Monopoly might be the thing for those who feel all our jobs are going to foreign countries. For those who feel American industry is eternal, we have the inspirational classic Denim Design Gallery. (Do they have Angel Unicorn pocket patches in France? Mais non, mon ami: that’s all ours.)

Now, for those of you who are up for term limits, and think the old, used officials need to be dumped, I suppose the shelves of Book Fair books are all wrong. Well, there are SOME other shelves in the bookshop, where you will find nice, shiny new books. There are plenty of books with political standpoints, explicit or assumed, and you’re bound to find something that symbolizes your vote. (I would suggest all those books dealing with belly dancing at the World’s Fair, since any good elected official can wriggle out of anything. But buy them soon: like the campaign commercials, they won’t be around forever.)

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