Unless it was lost in the mail, my Pulitzer Prize for these thrice-weekly journalistic insights has not yet arrived. So, as is traditional on our anniversary, I thought I’d give the Poetry Committee a chance to get in first. As usual, all characters herein depicted are completely imaginary and unlikely, and no books were harmed in the making of this little song, which is set to…well, I think you’ll figure it out. (And here’s one shout out to the late Larry Hooper, whose rendition i consider definitive, with all respect to Rosemary Clooney.)
1.This old book once gave me giggles,
This old book once gave me fright;
This old book was read in secret
Underneath the sheets at night;
This old book holds many bookmarks:
Love notes, shopping lists, and such;
I can barely turn the pages
‘Cause I’ve used this book so much!
Chorus: Ain’t a-gonna need this book no longer,
Ain’t a-gonna need this book of mine:
Ain’t got time to tape the pages,
Ain’t got time to tape the spine,
Ain’t got time to disinfect it
So it don’t pollute the air:
Ain’t a-gonna need this book much longer:
It’s a-goin’ to the Newberry Fair!
2. This old book is stained and ragged,
This old book is creased and bent:
This old book is shedding pages
And the rubber band just went;
Oh, I put them back in order
Then I dropped it on the floor;
I have slammed it on mosquitoes–
Let’s see–eighteen times or more.
3. This old binding’s getting’ shaky,
This old book is a-gettin’ old,
This old book smells of tobacco,
This old book just reeks of mold;
This old print is a-gettin’ tiny
So I’m giving it away:
There’ll be better copies waiting
On the pearly shelves one day.
(repeat) Ain’t a-gonna need this book much longer:
It’s a goin’ to the Newberry Fair!