Equal Time | Page 47 | Newberry

Equal Time

That column on suggested uses for books once you had a Kindle seems to have struck a chord with people. Anyway, many of them sent me notes. So I have composed a follow-up. (And I promise that’s the last music pun today, unless I think of a way to fit in the phrase “roman a clef”. I’ll get my staff to work on it.)

In any case, here are suggested uses for a Kindle for those people who read books.

Bookmark: As these devices get thinner and thinner, they will be useful for showing where you stopped reading. In fact, if they had the technology that lets you press a button on a remote to make it beep, it’ll tell you where you left the book, as well.

Stepping stones: As they become obsolete and replaced by later models, you can embed them in your front lawn, and step across them on rainy days. You may want to tack some non-skid cover to them.

Portable Writing Desk: The back makes an excellent prop when you’re making out a book list for your Reading Group

Tray: Perfect for carrying cocktails at a literary party

Stone: And after the party, you can all go to the beach and try Kindle-skipping on the surface of the lake

Conversation piece: I predict that for the next few years, a good opening gambit will be “I own a Kindle but….”

Cheering Prop: Go to a concert or a ballgame, and when you want to show approval, flash the cover of the lead singer’s autobiography on your Kindle or, at a critical moment in the game, the tell-all book by the opposing team’s pitcher’s latest wife.

Reading lamp: It gives off light, right? Hold it just at the right angle to read your book at bedtime.

Interrogation lamp: How much light DOES it give off? Turn it up to full and direct it at the dog while you demand to know where he hid your reading glasses

Book Donation Aid: I haven’t checked it for sure, but Kindles look just the right size for covering that hole in the bottom of a banana box. 

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