QFY II

I have come up with a few more QFY (Questions For You). If you are offended by any references to your donation below, you should understand that I didn’t mean you at all. It’s the banana boxes that came in just AHEAD of yours I’m complaining about.

Did you manage to get ALL the spiders in your attic into these boxes you brought me, or are some of them wandering lost in the trunk of your car?

If you’re going to include doodaddery with the books, would you include a note to tell me what the things are? This little locket with the locket nesting inside and the locket nesting inside that and the locket nesting inside that with the seed inside the inner locket has volunteers advising me to call the Field Museum, the Smithsonian, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

On your 2011 tax form, are you claiming these CDs from your college textbooks at the same rate as music CDs? I don’t sell ‘em at the same price. Especially if you didn’t send me the textbooks. (I KNOW I told you not to send textbooks, but I kind of intended this to include the audio-visual accessories as well.)

Are you aware that I have a taker for letters and personal notes found in books? Would you like to reconsider the book with the shopping list that included Apples, Radishes, Asparagus, Chicken Gizzards, and “Extra Underwear”? No, don’t call in and EXPLAIN it; we’re making up stories of our own, thank you. (The person who suggested there may be a detergent called Extra that has a special formula for delicate items has been banned from our sessions. Wrong kind of imagination.)

When you read my blog about banana boxes (as who in the civilized world has not?) did you understand that it isn’t the bananas that bother me? It’s that too-wide box with the too-big hole in the bottom. So those of you who have used melon boxes, pineapple boxes, and pepper boxes are missing the point. (Boxes from apples, oranges, and grapefruit work pretty well, by the way. You’ll have to use your own judgment on Asparagus boxes.)

Can you guess what I’m saying about you when you pull up to the dock and honk until I come out and unload your books? (I thought all you folks had cell phones. Give me a call. I’ll say the same things, but with less force and feeling.)

Was that twenty you left in your copy of Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood meant as a donation to the Library, or a tip for me, personally? I have this sudden urge to run out and buy a boxful of bananas. 

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