QFY | Page 74 | Newberry


I have just a few QFY (Questions For You). You don’t have to answer. A few of them (you’ll recognize them) are just venting again.

If it takes two of you to lift the box from your car to the loading dock, what do you think I’M going to do with it?

Did you check that guidebook you took with you on your honeymoon to make sure none of those, er, snapshots were tucked inside afterward? Are you sure? No, I’m just asking. Don’t fret about it. Nobody on the Internet will recognize you with that haircut, anyhow.

Were you aware that your dog had a brief lapse of his housetraining? I’m not the kind of fellow who tattles on dogs, but if you DID know, I’m sending one of my bigger volunteers after you.

Did you know there are plenty of places where you can buy boxes rather than stuff all your books in heavy duty garbage bags? Liquor stores have good, solid boxes to get rid of sometimes, too. Many grocery stores now break down their boxes for recycling right away, so all they have left are ones constructed with staples. (Usually banana boxes.)

How much will you pay to have this credit card receipt back, the one from Neiman-Marcus? I don’t want to worry you, but someone else has a bid in, saying they can “do something creative with all those numbers”.

If you’re going to pull up to the dock on a rainy day and honk until I come out to unload your books, why don’t you ever donate an umbrella?

Do you remember what year you went to college? Did you really think that freshman chemistry textbook was going to find a market, since they’ve named eleven new elements since it was published?

Do you want this prescription you used as a bookmark back, or did you find a better cure reading books?

Did you hide that TV remote control in this box of books as a joke, or have you already ripped open your sofa and torn up your carpet looking for it?

Back to those honeymoon pictures you didn’t leave in the book: is that a scar or a tattoo? Several of us are straining our eyes trying to read it, so if it’s a scar it’ll save us a heap of trouble. Thanks!

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