Ready? Okay! | Newberry

Ready? Okay!

“Attaway! You done real good!

BUY that Ya-Ya-Sisterhood!”

I do not believe that making the aisles wide enough at the Book Fair to allow for cheerleaders is in the floorplan of the Grand Renovation, but at the same time, I don’t know that it’s not. It would certainly get us some publicity, and who knows what it might do for sales to have a co-ed corps of dancer-athletes dressed in Newberry colors urging on the crowd.

Buy some Hardback Mystery!

Sara Paretsky! Agatha Christerie!

Just as it happens, we do expect our volunteers who act as tidiers and floorwalkers to offer all the encouragement they can to those people who might not realize their future happiness depends on getting that copy of Eat.Pray.Love. They are not required to do it in rhyme, nor do we expect backflips. Maybe that’s something we’ve been doing wrong.

Herman Meville makes a hit!

Buy a bag of Hardback Lit!

For a while, we did have a volunteer who loved to shop over the shoulders of other shoppers. “Ooh, you’ll be a happy camper if you buy that!” she’d coo. She cooed this so often that I wanted to sue for restitution from the makers of RVs. Or sometimes, she’d gasp, “Where did you find that? Ooh, I wish I’d seen that first!”

At least once, I heard the other customer tell her, “Well, I’ll let you have it, if it’s something you really want.”

And she replied, “No, it’s way too expensive.”

Hence the necessity for writing the dialogue of the cheerleader beforehand.

A B C! 1 2 3!

Buy some fresh Philosophy!

Cheerleaders would violate one principle of the Book Fair: that people don’t need any extra background noise while they’re shopping. The subliminal effects of music in shopping areas has been studied to death, but deep in our hearts, we really believe that music exists to give the store employees something to hum to when nobody else is in the store. We don’t have that problem. What with the shuffle of feet, the whining of very small children and spouses of booklovers, and the occasional “Ooh, wow!”, we don’t need to add Rick Springfield’s Greatest Hits.

Holy Moses! Golly gee!

We’ve got cheap Theology!

And our customers might not fully understand the concept. I can see a six-person pyramid coming down because a shopped tugged on an arm to ask, “Are there prices in the books?”

Want a price? Don’t yell Good Grief!

Upper corner of the first white leaf!

If we get a group of cheerers gathered around the Paperback Literature table when it’s down to the last twenty books, and have them chant “Buy! Buy! Bye bye!”, no one will be able to approach the table to pick up that battered One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. (The title of which is taken, by the way, from an old jumprope rhyme, which I consider a kindred artform to the cheer.) We need to ponder the proper application of cheerleaders through the weekend.

Old and New! Low-Priced and Rare!

Buy it at our Mighty Fair!
Gooooo Spend!

It’ll take some work to put it into operation, I suppose, so don’t look for our cheerleaders at the 2018 Book Fair. We’ll need at least six hours to pick the colors of the pompons. To say nothing of getting Conservation Experts to approve the right archival paper for them.

And then I bet they all go to Bughouse Square anyhow.

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